𝖆𝖑𝖔𝖓𝖊

sulphur skeletons & grey overheads on plastic floors & walls

& the sounds of unbelievably dense songs

blaring into your ears, organs begging to escape

grasping words from tired throats & deathly glassed eyes & bright teeth

& so many choices & compromises for what,

but a slower death & a softer landing, to choose Life

in solitude I try to foster clarity yet

to feel in earnest is to accept a horrible yearning, an eternal ache,

to let tears dry and fester in ineptitude

or to hover over the madness, the death of time, the mania of will

which drives red shoes into the arms of the devious devil; the dream

of the end of this bony prison is lost again, forever dancing towards it

I've felt the powers of magic propel me into fevered frenzy towards the Other

but it is inside the mind that the Other gazes

isn't it that: not romantic love, or familial love, that I crave

but to know myself as observer and observed, to end the loneliness

of the fractured psyches, fighting to tell this body's narrative

yet i cannot find the means; i am afraid of losing my vanity, which

consecrates me as a human with time

to touch another is to stroke a solitary heart the same as I,

a ghost in a shell, begging to share air in a raw world an eternity away